Discouraged children

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. – Colossians 3v21


I looked at the principle of provocation of our children back in July. What a tragedy when our parenting provokes our children, and no wonder God warns us against it.

In this passage though, we read part of the reason, and this will break the heart of any parent. “Fathers, don’t provoke your children so that they don’t get discouraged.” If you have ever seen a discouraged child you know how heartbreaking it is. Discouraged, disheartened, disappointed, and spiritless. These words should never really describe a child, should they?

What comes next? From my experience, it is one of two things. Sometimes a child just gives up and withdraws. They quietly comply just to keep the peace. Their spirit is gone. They know that any disagreement is going to bring our wrath, so just play the game.

On the other hand, some children can react in the opposite way. Since they can’t do it any way, why bother? ‘Hey, since I can’t do anything right anyway, I am just going to do whatever I want!’

Neither of these is a good solution. When either of them happens, as a result of our provocation, we have failed.

Parenting is tough. There is no easy solution. Every child is different. Praise God for all of the parenting instructions in His word. Praise God for parents who have already done it who can give us advice if we are willing to listen.

I think this an area where it all comes home though. Every father knows when we have provoked our children. We see the look in their eyes. We see it in their faces. We see it in their body language.

Instruction? Of course. Discipline? Yes. Correction? Sometimes. Provocation? God forbid!