Wives

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. – 1 Peter 3.1-6

This husband/wife thing is one of those that is always difficult for a preacher to deal with. Since in our circles nearly all preachers (and Bible teachers) and men it can seem like we are preaching/teaching to suit ourselves.

But here it is, in the word of God and taught by both Paul and Peter. Those of us who are in happy Christian homes where husband and wife both strive to realise our tasks, we know that it ‘works’ We know it is not a matter of a tyrant and subject. We know how it plays out and it plays out in a wonderful way.

We also must remember that these teachings are not about relations between all men and all women. Women are not subject to men just because they are men. This is all about a husband and wife who both desire to please God. And if we are striving to please God we are sure to please each other.

Here we find an example though of a wife who is married to a man who ‘does not obey the word.’ Now that’s a tough situation to address. Does a Christian wife need to submit to a non-Christian husband?

When Peter wrote these words the church was still young. Most of these ‘mixed marriages’ came because either the husband or wife got saved and their spouse did not. I am sure there were great debates about whether or not Christian should maintain such a marriage. Paul addresses that and so does Peter, from slightly different perspectives.

Peter says that as long as the lost husband is not leaving the relationship the wife should submit to his leadership. Obviously, there is a measure of common sense here. No one should submit to abuse be it physical, emotional, sexual, or whatever. But generally a Christian wife should submit to her husband’s leadership.

Why? That through her conduct she might win her husband to Christ. Leaving a lost husband ‘just because’ he is lost is not God’s way. We have a good friend who was saved after she was married. She struggled at submitting in a simple matter, but this is an example of what this passage says. She did not like going to buy beer for her husband. It went against her personal choice. But then she realised ‘He is the same man I married, I am the one who changed.’ Once she did want he wanted and he realised how hard it was for her to do it he didn’t ask her again. He is not yet saved, but he enjoys their Christian friends and often attends church on special occasions.

It just makes sense. If someone gets saved before their spouse it is not fair to them to leave just because they are a Christian. In fact, it ought to be a strong motivation to stay.

There is more here, but I’ll leave that for now.